Doctor Who

Doctor Who

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

White Horse

The way you learn about someone isn't necessarily from them, but from the people they themselves are close to. Sometimes, it can be biased or distorted to suit the person telling the story. But if you trust that person with all you have, why would you not trust a simple thing that comes from their mouth?

And for the first time, that amazing person who lives inside that lockd up castle lets you in. No more conversations from outside the gate. You're actually in. How can you not trust them then?

And he would never know.

It's unsafe to hold someone that small step higher than everyone else, in that tiny bit more light. No one is ever perfect, and you can't expect them to be perfect. It is impossible to be perfect, because our small emotions, actions and movements create tiny imperfections. While only small, they are still there, leaving us imperfect. So to hold someone in that stronger light, as though they are almost 100% perfect, is wrong. Yet we find ourselves doing it often. It seems that that one person can do no wrong. In our eyes, they ARE perfect. Be realistic. Because when they show their imperfections, even just lightly, it hurts all the more.

Stories. Stories. Stories.
Tell me what's going on.
Tell me what's happening.
What's going on in your mind?
What happened in your past?

Sometimes you hear a story about someone, and you think "No way, they could never do something like that. They would never be like that. They're not that kind of person" But the story comes from a trustworthy mouth. Someone who never speaks bad of people, even when they do wrong. But you don't want to believe it. Why would you want to believe it? It's wrong.
But once you are aware, your subconcious studies. Without even meaning to, you pick up the truth of the things you didn't want to believe.

It's true.

Watching. Observing. Far better than listening and keeping a blind eye. You learn so much from a person if you don't have a serious oppinion of them. If you leave your mind open to wrongs, rights and inbetweens. Just watch. Just observe. You learn so much more.

I've never understood people who take people around them for granted. It's frustrating to see someone put their all in to help someone else, and that someone else just doesn't care how much effort that person put in for them. How much effort that person ALWAYS puts in for them. So much.

I tried. I really tried.

You open your eyes, and you see the truth. You open your mind and you have room for the truth. You close off your heart, locking the hurt inside.

What more is there to do?

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Hey, keep your hands off that girl, you've already had enough

Have not blogged in a while, so here we go.. Also kept with the song name theme still..

Why do people think that things that are not acceptable in society are acceptable online?
I've not been on a chat site for a fair while. They really do not interest me. However, I randomly decided to jump on Habbo Hotel and see if I could gather a few ranom youtube subscribers or something, and I was hit with it all.
"Hey sexy, wanna have some kinky time in my room?" by some random person who had never seen me before in their life, and who had no idea who I was. Now, I'm sorry if I've missed something along the way... But I am sure that's not acceptable in society. So why should people think it is alright to do online?
I know online it's not physical, and it's not face to face, but that doesn't make it any better. That does not give someone the right to abuse another person, or make them feel uncofortable, or even rape them [yes, I have seen it happen]. It's wrong in real life. It's wrong on the internet. So why do people seem to think they can do it?
Methinks there needs to be internet police to stop this stuff.

Anywho, that's my 2 cents worth...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Another One Bites The Dust?

So, my day was interesting. Well, not really. I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Besides going to school, anyway.. And I hardly remember what I did at school I was that tired.. So rather than write a blog about today like I was going to, I Will write a blog about the past few days.

Right well.. Amongst all the lack of sleep, I've actually had a fair bit of fun.

On Monday, me and my friends Cait, Jess and Mel decided we wanted to make a sort of studio so we could film our own version of "Rove".. Well, something along those lines.. But we had no idea where to do it where we wouldn't be interrupted, and wouldn't have to pack up after ourselves every time. So we decided to clean out my brothers old Cubby House, decorate it, and turn it into our own studio/hangout place. It's not big, but it works so well.

So Monday afternoon, we got to work... De-weeding.. Didn't even touch the cubby house... Soooo many weeds we could hardly even reach the cubbby. So we started weeding.. However, we realised that my weed bin was completely full... So we left the weeds laying on the ground after we pulled them all out, and called it a days work.

Tuesday afternoon we walked to Mel's house and grabbed her weed bin and wheeled it around to mine. We piled all the weeds in and discovered that we had to pull more weeds out. We went inside for a break, and two carloads of my friends decided to show up. We hung for a bit, then decided we would go convoying around Wagga. Four cars, driving around until 11. It was great :D

Wednesday afternoon we cleaned out the cubby house. That included dusting, getting rid of cobwebs, sweeping and cleaning out the cupboard. He used that place for creating strange 'potions' with random 'ingredients', so you can just imagine the things we found. Bottles that looked like they had things living in them. Jars that smelt like literal shit. Containers with chunks of God knows what. We decided it would be fun to play the smelling game and pour them all out. We seriously found some interesting stuff.We then went through and sprayed bug spray EVERYWHERE. You should have seen the bugs that came out of that!
I also went for a drive to KFC that night... The chick who works there wasn't too impressed..

Now, we are looking for a new roof, carpet and a paint job!

We're making a progress video for youtube, so see us in a week or two there!


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Big Black Coffin

Just a quick blog of thoughts before I go to bed.. I should be using this time to write my Drama thing, but I have no inspiration for it at the present time.. Plus I am kind of avoiding it..

I definitely hate my desire to be held and loved. I mean, I know that everyone gets that. It's part of being human. But to me, it's almost more of a desperate need rather than just a want. I would love for someone to be able to hold me as I fell asleep. In fact, no, that would be great. I don't sleep well at all (12:40am with school tomorrow) but when I am with someone else I sleep so much easier.
It's more a fear of being alone, I'd say. Not just a slight fear. A real, deep fear. One I can't really explain. To put it simply, I just want to feel loved. It'd be nice. Knowing and feeling are two different things, and while I know I am loved, I want to feel loved. Really loved.

Over and out x

Monday, October 19, 2009

Does she ever stop?

Having a moment where I just can't stop rambling, so I thought, why not ramble some more?

I really hate it when people can't back up an argument. I will admit that I do this sometimes. Mostly when I am so angry I can't see sense, or when I am hurt, or when I am determined not to see reason - really, just give up when I am like that.But I seriously hate it when people do it ALL the time.. I mean.. If you're going to argue, make sure you know what you're saying, otherwise you sound stupid and hypocritical. You have the right to defend yourself, and voice your oppinion. Don't shut others down for doing the same. There is a difference between vocing your oppinion and fighting to make people see reason, and shooting down others oppinions and belittling them for expressing it. We have equal rights. Please, think about what you're saying before you say it.

I also hate humans. Dead set. I am one of them, and I am as bad as the rest. Whdo we fight to advance in technology? Why do we need the best of the best? Why do we need phones that can access internet, play music, make calls, and all the rest? Why do we need touch screen iPods? Why do we need a PS3, or a Nintendo Wii? The more technology advances, the more lazy people become. Children don't play the way they used to anymore. Instead, they sit infront of the computer playing games, or sit in their living room acting as though they can play guitar because they have Guitar Hero, rather than going out and ACTUALLY learning it. Yeah, I know. Ironic that I should be sitting infront of my laptop at the moment, with my iPod blaring music and my phone sitting next to me incase I recieve a text... But we live in a world where these things are sort of unavoidable. If I didn't have any of this, and didn't know of any of this, I wouldn't NEED any of this. I DON'T need any of this. It's the mere fact that it's there.I understand that the world needs to continue growing and advancing. It's the way it's always worked. But it really does worry me to think that one day a robot might live our lives, and we will miss out on the real things in life like grazed hands and knee's every day as a kid.. Going to school and meeting new people.. Going shopping just for the fun of it.. Falling in and out of teenage romances.. Connecting with nature.. All of it.. One day, I really believe it will all be gone... In the 16 years I've been alive, so much has changed.. It just gets faster and faster as small adjustments are made here and there.. And I want to be dead and gone before it gets out of control.

Why do people crave attention? Some people would drop on their hands and knees and let someone film them while someone fucks them, just to get famous. Some people would take their shirt off just for their moment of fame.What happened to getting famous based on REAL talent, and REAL things?People will lie to their friends just so people think that they are better than they really are. Exaggerate, and even make up stories just so people pay sympathy or express how lucky that person is.Suicide is a serious thing, and there are horrible, sick minded people who actually think it's okay to tell people they are going to kill themselves just to get attention. It's wrong, and there are people EVERYWHERE who do it. These people need to wake up to themselves. They can sit there and read up on symptoms of anxiety and stuff, and then act as though they have it and it's serious, making people work to their wishes, just to keep them happy, calm and safe... And it's all for nothing... While the people with real issues keep quiet because they don't WANT the attention that they NEED! WAKE UP TO YOURSELVES!

It really ticks me off when people act as though the world should work according to their needs. Everyone has a right to be just that small bit selfish, and do things for them. No one is expected to make the world happy, and be completely selfless. It's impossible to do. But the world does not revolve around one person. We are all merely small specs amongst billions, and it is groups in those billions that work their way to greatness. Look at the biger picture.

And don't even get me started on the media! That just GIVES people idea's.Jesus Christ...

I freaking love roleplay... But what is the point in sending me a roleplay starter in a place where my character would NEVER be? Or sending me a starter which tells me that obviously, my character wouldn't engage in conversation with yours, meaning I have nothing to reply with... And why would you even bother talking to my character if all you want to do is slag them off? And for crying out loud! Do something interesting! Roleplay is supposed to be different and fun! It's not there for simple, every day conversation. Where's the fun in sitting in a park taling about the weather, or sitting at Hogwarts catching up? Where's the fun in small talk, when you could be going on otherwise impossible adventures like travelling in time, or defeating dragons, or being taken to whole new worlds, and dicovering whole knew things. How can you even contemplate sitting in a classroom talking about every day things, when you could be exploring made up worlds and expanding your imagination!

Lastly.. I must say... Who the fuck stays up until 2:43am, online, writing a blog about absolutely nothing like this? Jesus, you sad sad woman. Get a life and get some sleep ;)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

You're so naive, yet so

As human beings, we always seem to take, take, take, but never give. Neither you nor I are exempt from this. We are a selfish race. We don't seem to understand that what we are given is a gift, and no matter how much we are given, it's never really enough. Even while being aware of this, I know that I am still guilty of selfishness.
I know that what I may write both now, and in the future, will sound extremely selfish [especially when I rant about other people being selfish]. And I don't care. If others are allowed to be selfish, then so am I. If it is accepted, to an extent, as part of being human, then shoot me for being human.

On another note...

Do you ever get those days where it feels like all the walls around you are crashing in all at once, and you have absolutely no hope of keeping them all up? Those days where you can feel yourself suffocating under the weight of a million different emotions?
Do you ever feel that perhaps you've suppressed too much emotion, and you fear that one day soon it will all just burst out in one, leaving you completely empty? That you still can't talk about your couldron of bubbling emotions to anyone because although you're scared it will overflow, you don't want to seem as though you are making a big deal over nothing, or re-opening old wounds?
Do you ever get those days where you feel as though you truly are dying?
I get them alot, and today is one of those days.
People seem to take that the wrong way. "I feel like I am dying." They seem to think I want do die. Or that I am being a drama queen. Or that I am sick.
But no.. Sometimes, I just get those days where I feel like I am dying. I don't feel sad, or angry, or happy, or excited. None of that. Just a build up of frustration inside of me that feels as though it is eating me from the inside out, just like a poison. It often takes alot of my strength to keep my body from convulsing with frustration. I can't even explain what goes on inside my brain, or the way my body feels when it happens. Then I think I am probably crazy. I'd have to be, right? To have something like that happen inside of me?
And then I find myself having one of THESE little rants to myself, in my head. So now, I figure.. Why not let EVERYONE see. Let everyone see how loony I really am. I mean, I can't really hide it for much longer, can I?

I am tired of being told I am not good enough. I hear it pretty much every day. I don't think she realises how much I do for her. Does it not count that I listen to absolutely every whinging comment that comes from her mouth? Does it not count that I think about her before I think about myself? Does it not count that I exhaust myself with worry, anger, hurt and frustration at the things she says to me? Does NONE of that count? So I might not do everything she asks me to do. I might forget to do something I've promised to do. But can she really blame me, with the other things she presses into my mind? I am sick to God of living in a one way street. Always listening, and never talking, because the minute I open my mouth to say something about me, she's using a past, more serious thing to relate to, and once again, whatever I have said just gets pushed to the back of the line while I have another listening session.

But that's okay. It's not all her. I frustrate myself, too.

Is it seriously not possible for me to just entirely move on from something that happened almost 4 years ago? Is it not possible for me to grow the fuck up and just be happy with what I have? Is it not possible for me to appreciate what I have, and what I am given, and fully recognise that it's better than what alot of people have? I have a roof over my head. I have a comfy bed to sleep in, with as many pillows and blankets as I please. I have games, toys, a computer, a phone, music... The list goes on. I have two loving, caring parents, and an extremely wonderful brother whom I rarely fight with. Is none of this enough for me? Can I not, for just once in God knows how long, be HAPPY? I don't think I even know what happiness is...
And no, I don't pity myself. I hate myself. Lack of self control.

What more can I say?